| It Keeps You Runnin' |
[18 Mar 2006|12:33pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Doobie Brother - What a Fool Believes |
] |
So, it's been quite some time since I decided to sit down and actually write in here. I have been writing a lot in my journal though, which for personal reasons, is much better. While life has been pretty busy as of late, there really hasn't been much of anything to write about. I'll see if I can fill you in though.
I guess the biggest thing was Spring Break. 11 of us headed down to Hilton Head Island last week and that ended up being a lot of fun. Those of you with Facebook can check out a bunch of pictures, or you can just head to my photography site (www.myspace.com/avenuesofneonphotography) to see the best ones. I ended up heading up to Greenville for the last two days of my break to visit with the parents and the brother and do some shopping with mom. Got some new clothes (most of which were on sale - kickass!), got a new cell phone and my plan upgraded, and got to see a really close friend who I hadn't seen since he graduated from Riverside my sophomore year. That really made going home worth it.
Even with all of these great things, there was a downfall to my break. On Friday when I reached Greenville and was connected back to the internet world, I found out that a guy that I had known since 1st grade had passed away that Monday. While this was definitely saddening to hear, what was worse was knowing that no one bothered to inform me through any other communication except for MySpace and Facebook. Several good friends knew about his death and knew I was at the beach, yet didn't let me know. While I was slightly bitter about that for a few days, it's over. It just makes me wonder that if anything bad like this happens (or even something slightly less major, like hospital trips) again, if I'll actually be informed of them at all. I just hope that you guys put a little more thought into that next time. Otherwise, you're not invited to my martini party funeral. And let me tell you, it will be the event of the year.
This leads me into two other topics at hand - first, my lack of presence on the internet. Most of you (mainly those who are not in Tennessee) have noticed that I'm rarely online anymore. Usually I was logged into Trillian, but just never around. Well, now, I'm very rarely signed in. There's no point in leaving iChat open all the time if I'm not going to be around. If you really need me for something, call my cell. If you want to catch up, send me an email or call me. Honestly, email now is going to be the easiest form of communication with me, besides my cell phone. The cell's always on, but then again, I don't always answer. Yea, just stick with email - that I check all the time.
And the second topic - my conversion to the dark side. Tuesday night, my brother came up to Murfreesboro and brought me my MacBook Pro. First off, he was absolutely awesome for driving all the way up here after work to visit and bring me the laptop so that he could get the Dell. He is also amazing for taking my Dell and letting me get this computer. Thomas, you rule. =] I also introduced him to the family, which was definitely entertaining.
But yea. This laptop. As I told Emily when she asked how it was, simply put - orgasmic. The only sad part is going to be going without Photoshop until Adobe upgrades their software for the Intel-based Macs. While I technically can run the version that's out right now for the Power-PC chip, it's not the best of ideas.
Speaking of photography, Thursday morning in my speech class, our professor gave us our Communications Scrapbook assignment. We have to make a 15 page (front and back - 30 total) scrapbook using visuals to communicate ideas. This is going to be quite fun for me, because she said that I could use my own photography and interpret it. I think this is the first class assignment for any of my classes that I'm really excited about doing.
And along with the photography theme, I talked to my parents and instead of applying for candidacy at the end of this semester, I'm instead going to take a break from Recording Industry stuff for next semester. I'm going to sign up for some photography and graphic design classes instead. I'm not really looking to change my major, there are just some classes that I'm really interested in taking that I won't have the chance to do once I get into the RIM program.
While I have been hearing good things about my photography, I know that I can do better. So I apologize now if I happen to start dragging my camera around everywhere and snapping off pictures. When a perfectionist tries to be an artist, that usually spells disaster, but I just see it as honing my craft. It's been the one thing for the past couple of months that has really brought me joy, and I want to get better. So for those of you that I've asked to do photo shoots of, you guys rock and we will get to those soon.
And you guys [those of you on myspace] should totally add my photography site if you haven't already. =]
Well, speaking of the work that I have to do - I have a soccer game this afternoon and I need to go get ready for it. MTSU vs. Vandy! Woo! It's time to put the pretentious assholes in their place. Hopefully....
I have another blog in mind already though, one that's not just a life update - and hopefully I'll get that up later tonight after our Girl's Night Out!!
.she wants to party, she wants to get down, all she wants to do is dance.
|
|
| Life on a Chain |
[20 Feb 2006|05:40pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sevendust - Crucified |
] |
Alright, nothing too fancy, just a little life update since I don't feel like writing my speech yet.
- So far, the semester is treating me well. All of my grades are high and I took a test today that I'm fairly confident that I made an A on. Kick ass. At least I know that when the temperatures rise and I'm spending more hours in the Quad than in the classroom, I'll have a little bit of a cushion. As I said above, I have my informative speech due tomorrow. This is the speech that got me kicked out of my speech class last semester, and guess what my topic is this semester - that's right, plagiarism. =]
- Speaking of the weather, I've grown quite sick of it. For the past two weekends, it has snowed here. On Saturday, the temperature was 19 degrees. Two days before that, it was 68 and two days from now, it's supposed to be 65. Bullshit I say. That whole thing I said about wanting snow when I got back into town from Greenville, yea well, I should have kept my mouth shut because it's snowed more than I wanted. I'm quite ready for warmth.
- Spring Break is only two weeks away! Yea, it's not really spring break, but oh well. I'll be spending 8 days down in Hilton Head with 10 awesome kids. I'm getting more and more excited each day. I will be departing two days early (March 10) to head to Greenville to visit with my parents. Don't even ask if you can meet up with me because I already have plans for the day and half that I'll be home. Sorry, that's just the way things roll this time around. Don't worry though, I'll be at home for the Cup in April.
- After break, we only have 6 more weeks left to the semester. I'm fairly sure that spring semester is shorter than fall...or least it just flies by faster.
- For those that haven't heard, I'm converting to the dark side - I ordered a MacBook Pro last Sunday and it should be arriving around the first of March. I'm hoping that it comes the week of Spring Break since I'll already be in Greenville and I won't have to drive all the way back home to get it. I am extremely excited about this. Good luck getting me to get away from it for the first week that I have it in my hands.
- Also, if you haven't heard, my website - Avenues of Neon Photography - is slowly making its way towards completion. It's been put aside right now though because the help I'm getting actually has a real job that comes first, but I will be making a MySpace page for a temporary home. I'm also gathering up a few of my best to sell as prints, which I will be doing through deviantART (cheap too - so help a sister out!). Those should be up by this weekend, but I'll make a definite annoucement when they are up. For those of you who live in Murfreesboro and Nashville, let your friend's bands know that I'm available for photo shoots and for show pictures (again, I'm cheap). Examples of my work will be up on the AoN Photography MySpace page, which again, I'm hoping is going to be up this weekend.
- Models wanted!! Because I'm moving more into emotional/portrait photography, I'm looking for friends of mine as volunteers. I'd like to get in a couple of photo shoots soon so that I can have those available online as well, so if you will be around Murfreesboro this Friday and Saturday, let me know. If you want to help me out and can't this weekend, just let me know and we'll work something out. All copies, whether digital or film, will be available to you for your own personal use as well.
- We have our first soccer game of the season on Sunday and you know you want to come out! Actually, this weekend might not be the most exciting, as we are playing the Division 1 MTSU team. But, if you would like to support (because you're an awesome friend like that), we will be playing at 2pm. The game that you guys really need to mark your calanders for though is March 19, when Vandy comes to town. This game is sure to be awesome (came down to the last goal in the last 3 minutes of the game last semester) so you should really come out and support us!! The whole soccer schedule is in my AIM profile (AManhattanAffair) so you should check with that and come out!
Alright, I guess I've wasted enough time. I don't really have anything else to share at this point in time anyways. Hope you kids had a wonderful weekend despite the weather and have a great week!!
.oh what I would give to tell you what I'm in this for.
|
|
| Knowledge of Self |
[18 Feb 2006|07:36pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Zero 7 - This World |
] |
"but, how does that ambition [law school/entertainment law] tie into the photography and the writing? are those just side interests? what are you most passionate about?"
I got this today in a message on MySpace. And while it seems like a simple question, for some reason it really did make me stop and think.
My ambition since the 7th grade has been to graduate undergrad with a degree in Recording Industry/Music Business. As of right now, I am fulfilling that ambition. Also though, for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a lawyer. So in my freshman year of college, I decide that I might as well just head to law school and try my hand with entertainment law. That and this way, at least I know I'll have a stable income.
But then the question of the photography and writing was brought up. Only recently (my senior year of high school) did I really get into writing (Thank you Mrs. Edwards) and even more recently, did I get into photography. While I am very passionate about music, I know that it's more from an observational standpoint. I tried my hand at guitar and I was in choir for 8 years, but that's as far as my musical career goes. I, unlike some poor souls out there, knew that I would never amount to a good musician so I quit while I was ahead. Although I'd love nothing more than to be on stage, rockin' out cause you just don't see enough girls doing that.
Writing and photography though…they have gotten me through some tough times. While I'm by no means the best at either, I'm continually honing my crafts. My writing style is a very straight-forward, no-holds-bar, stream of consciousness style. I say what I'm thinking at the time and I never hold back. While my friends can express their emotions in a more poetic manner, I prefer to just let loose and tell you how I really feel. I hardly ever censor myself, and if I know that someone might be offended, well, that's their problem and not mine. I've been told that I would make for a good journalistic/essay type writer, and I think that comes from the fact that those are the types of material I prefer to read. I've never been a huge fan of fiction novels and I always have a hard time finishing them when I do get into one. I need some cold, honest truth in what I'm reading, to read someone else's experiences and feel them like they were my own. In the past, I have written blogs where I've received many comments afterwards from friends telling me how much they could relate or how I took the words right out of their mouths because they weren't strong or brave enough to say them. That's what I like reading and hearing. As cliché as it sounds, if I could chose someone who's style I'd model my own after, it would be Carrie Bradshaw's from Sex and the City. And I think to some extent, I have done that.
I've been in a bit of a writer's block as of late though, and I haven't written anything of substance in here or even in my personal journal. I have reverted back into my old ways of bottling up my emotions and not letting them flow out. This blog is probably the first thing remotely interesting that I have written in awhile. I miss the days where I could sit down every night before I went to bed and type out two and half pages or more in Word. Now, it's a struggle to even get a paragraph out. As odd as it sounds, I think part of it has to do with being single. Not in that "OMG, I'm single, life sucks" way, but as I look back on my past writings, I seemingly wrote the best when in a relationship. My writings really took shape during that four month period after my break up with Christian. Man, I was on top of my game for those months. Then, I healed and my writing ability disappeared. As I dated some last semester, on occasion I'd write something decent, but it was never constant. And now, well, I don't really know what's going on with that part of my life and I think that's why for the past couple of weeks, I've been able to slowly get more and more out, albeit only a paragraph or two. I wish I could find the voice that I had from April to July of last year, without having to go through the pain and sleepless months again. I think I'm slowly getting there though, as long as I keep pushing myself.
Then there's the photography. I took a picture in 7th grade when I was on a chorus trip to Washington D.C. The picture is of the Capitol Building, with the sun setting behind the dome. It's not that great of a picture but it really sparked my interest in photography. I never really did anything with it and even forgot about the picture. That was until I found it over Christmas break '04. After that, you were hard-pressed to find me without my camera by my side. Again, after my break up, I turned to my camera, and I really put my emotions into the film. I spent all last summer taking pictures, most of the time with Eric, and it really helped me heal. When I got back to Murfreesboro, I stopped though. I didn't really have the time or the money to invest in the film/development. But I got a new digital camera for Christmas and since then, I've been taking pictures on a more regular basis.
While for the longest time, I was more interested in architectural pictures, I'm slowly moving into more emotional photography. I prefer taking pictures of people, not studio-posed pictures, but spontaneous pictures that capture the raw emotion of the moment. I don't like setting up photo shoots, I would rather let my subjects hang out and just pretend like that wasn't a flash that just went off in their face. To me, the pictures are more real and more honest that way. I have also started taking an interest in band photography. The Compromise (www.myspace.com/thecompromiserock) have been awesome enough to let me take pictures at their shows and even for their upcoming album. I really enjoyed doing their photo shoot on campus and I love taking pictures during their live shows.
This has inspired me to form my own little photography site – Avenues of Neon Photography. I'm in the progress of building a website to showcase my work and to hopefully bring in more bands. I'm probably going to set up temporary shop on MySpace (since everyone and their brother is on their now) to advertise my services to local bands here and in Nashville. I am also digging out some of my best photography from the past and I will be selling prints of my work. When I have those up and running (through deviantART), I'll let you know. But hey, if you know any bands that need a photographer – send them my way ok? I'm cheap. =]
I've been giving a lot of thought to the idea of taking next semester off, sort of. I would still be attending classes, but I really want to take some photography and some more English classes. If I just continued on the path that I'm on now, I'd be applying for candidacy after this semester and once I'm in the program, I'm not going to have a chance to take classes that I really want to take. Hell, who knows, my ambition might even change.
To put it simply, music, photography and writing are all passions of mine. Not a day goes by where I'm not involved with one, if not, all three of them. While I haven't put in as much time to the photography and writing as I like, I know that, especially during the summer, all of my time and effort will be placed more into both. All three have become a large part of my life and have helped me get to where I am today. And hopefully one day, I'll make a career out of one of them…but to which one, only time will tell.
.the best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
|
|
| Build God, Then We'll Talk |
[05 Feb 2006|06:29am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Zero 7 - Destiny |
] |
Ok. So I lied.
It took me a month to break my New Years resolution. The whole idea of not holding back sounded great in theory, but in practice, it's definitely quite a different animal. While I realize that sometimes things must be said out loud and opportunities must be taken, I've also realized that sometimes it's probably just best to keep quiet and let things pass over.
I have a lot on my chest right now, various thoughts and emotions that are building up inside of me with no escape. For once, I've found myself completely unable to speak my mind, not because I can't form the words, but because in my head, I already know the outcome. Ok. So, I only think that I know the outcome...but I'm pretty sure my conclusion is right.
Writing has always been my easiest outlet and right now it's the hardest. For me, writing is my form of rawest communication. For those of you normal readers, you know that my posts are constantly filled with straight-up, in your face emotions. I don't hold back and I usually say what's on my mind. I've never been one to write stories or poems to express my emotions, I just come on out with them. That's not something that I can always do in person. But right now? Not happening.
I wrote almost ten pages in my journal earlier this afternoon because I was literally beginning to feel sick. Because I had decided to let everything swirl around in my head, that lovely anxiety feeling returned. But like a mudslide, the words flowed right out of my pen onto the paper and within 35 minutes, I was already feeling better. But as the night wore on, I soon realized that it was just a quick fix and that it would have to be done again.
My hand is tired though, and my mind for some reason was fixated on writing on the computer. My thoughts sometimes seem to flow slightly easier when typing, only because I can type a lot faster than I can write legibly. The only problem now is not being able to speak my mind.
And that's definitely the hardest thing at this point in time. My writing has returned from its extended vacation, so while I can freely express my thoughts to my Pilot pen and black leather journal, it does me no good when my mind still tells me that it's just not enough. There's still no resolve, because nothing's been solved at all. My journal writings for the past three days contain everything that I wish I had said earlier in the day but never had the guts or chance to do so. Granted, even if I had had the chance, I still probably wouldn't have opened my mouth. And that just sucks.
I'm not sure that if given the opportunity to speak, that I'd even know where to start, but like I said, I already know the outcome. So why can't my mind process that information and kill the anxiety? Is it because there's the slight chance that I'm wrong in my conclusion? Maybe I need to do an experiment to test my hypothesis and prove my theory incorrect. Then again, what happens if my theory is proven correct? Technically, that's not possible, but if you took my friends as the scientific community, they would agree with my conclusion and adapt it until it was somehow proven correct.
Ok. I just compared my emotions to science. Well...I guess in a way they do go hand-in-hand, but that's a sure sign that it's 6:20am.
I should just stop typing now while I'm still slightly ahead, watch the sunrise and attempt to get a few hours of sleep. Yea. Sounds like a plan...
.one day i'll tell you everything you could never say.
|
|
| Return of the Mack |
[13 Jan 2006|12:03am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jimmy Ruffin - What Becomes of the Brokenhearted? |
] |
Like always when I'm at home here in Greenville, I'm sitting in front of my computer instead of packing. It's become kind of a hobby of mine, procrastination that is, to where I think that if it were an Olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist. Yea, I'm pathetic, I know.
Writing though, hasn't been so much of a hobby of mine as of late like I wish it was. It was last spring, probably around March, when my voice finally took hold and I really started writing. It lasted throughout the summer and then something happened. I moved back to Murfreesboro and just found that it wasn't there anymore. At first I thought that it was a product of the fact that my pain and anger that I had been associating with Tennessee (and consequently been venting through my writing) was gone. But I found myself always thinking, my thoughts constantly moving around in my head but yet, when I would try to transfer them to paper, they would just vanish into thin air. Frustrated by this, I just stopped trying. My journal sat by my bed, mocking me of the freedom that I use to have. I'd crawl into bed, staring at it, all the while my head racing, yet as soon as I reached for the pen, they'd run into the far corners of my mind, never to come back out and play.
I'm still having this problem, but slowly, I have found myself being able to write some thoughts down again. It's never really more than a paragraph or two, and they aren't even good thoughts, but they are coming again. That, in itself, is reassuring. I do miss it though, the being able to just take my journal out wherever I was, and just writing for pages.
As I was watching some Sex and the City with Miss Newton earlier, I realized that my brain always kicked into full gear over the topic of love. If you flipped through my journal, or even just read my older posts, you'd noticed that those with the most substance all revolve around the topic, or my lack thereof. Am I stuck to only writing about dating, relationships, and love?
No way in hell could I be considered an expert on the subject, that I'm far from, but a huge chunk of my life has revolved around it. Not necessarily my own relationships, but my friends. I'm always open ears for my friends, and I love hearing about their latest crushes, what so-in-so's boy/girlfriend did for them or what they are doing for them, and then being that shoulder to listen to whatever problems they were having. Throughout my middle and high school years, I was the go to girl; I was the matchmaker for my friends. It was a job I enjoyed, because I thrive on my friend's happiness. They come first, and when they are happy, I am as well.
While for the past four years, I was in various relationships, they were long distance. I, being the total hopeless romantic that I am, felt that even though I couldn't get what I really wanted out of a relationship myself, I could help my friends and keep their relationships strong. So while my relationships were nothing more than glorified boy friends with the actual title, my friends were happy. And even though I wasn't happy, I never let it show.
I will say though, that the way Christian and I ended things was probably the best thing for me. Because I was so burned, I was able to just sit back and enjoy being single for the first time in a long time. And I'll admit, this has been the longest that I've been single in years, and damn it has been fun. But, I have realized just how much I hate the dating game. And yes, it is just one huge fucked up game. And I hate games. They are full of bullshit and lies. And that's where my New Years resolution comes into play.
I know that I probably wrote out some bullshit resolutions in here about my GPA, working out or whatever, but I made one to myself, one that I want to follow through with more than the rest.
No mater what, I'm not holding back anymore.
And this doesn't just apply to things such as relationships. This applies to all life situations. In my 19 years, I've had a lot of opportunities pass me by for various reasons, and it's time that it came to a stop. No more. I'm grabbing a hold of my life and taking it where I want it to go.
This resolution does apply heavily to my relationships though. For far too long, I've always been quiet about who I was into because I never wanted to make a big deal out of it. That, and more than likely, they were asking me to set them up with one of my friends. I found out though, that it several of those cases, it was because they didn't think that I actually liked them back, so they just went after my friends instead. Ok, that's bullshit now that I know, but hey, I guess in the end it worked out for everyone. It made me realize that never actually telling someone how you feel is the worse thing you can do. I'd much rather a friend of mine come up to me because they just broke up with someone, than to come up and have them tell me that the one they were secretly after got away.
So far, I've made good on my resolution. I will admit that for the first time in forever, I totally have a crush. I'm loving it too because it's one of those crushes like I'm back in middle school and I just smile to myself like a little schoolgirl every time I see him. It's also a reassuring feeling, kind of like being able to write again, because it lets me know that my emotions are strong enough again to handle it. I dwelled on it for days, only to realize that I was letting my resolution down, so I let my secret out to him. I was completely honest and afterwards, I was proud of myself for that. Not that I haven't been completely honest in the past or anything, but I'm just sick of hiding things. It doesn't matter what happens at this point in time (ok, that's a semi-lie), but in the end, I know that I didn't let it stay a secret and that's exactly what matters the most.
Hm...two pages. That's the most I've written in quite some time. Same ole bullshit, but hey, it's something.
It's almost midnight here in the old Eastern Time Zone, and I'm no where closer to being packed. Granted, it's not like I have much to pack up, but my bed is covered in clean laundry that I need to fold and put in my bag. While I'm looking forward to being back, I am definitely not looking forward to leaving my bed again. I'm probably not coming home again until sometime this summer, and damn, that's a long time to go without getting to sleep in it. I just can't bury myself into my apartment bed like I can this one. Oh well, if I go to sleep soon, I can get in a good seven hours before I leave it again.
I will be back in Murfreesboro tomorrow afternoon, hopefully in between 1-2pm. That way I can get in a shower and a nap before the events of the evening unfold. Three more days and classes start and I'll admit that my liver and I are ready for it to start. I need the schedule, instead of my random event filled days. Anywho, for you kids in the Boro, I'll see you tomorrow (and you better be coming out to the show!) and for those of you here in South Carolina, take care and I'll see you soon. Or your slackasses should come up and visit ole Middle Tennessee!!
.happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
|
|
| Intermission |
[11 Jan 2006|10:27pm] |
This was just to kill time...I plan on writing something a little later on. Enjoy.
| Long Survey About Yourself | | What time are you starting this?: | 9:43pm. | | Name?: | Katherine. | | Nicknames?: | Kat, Kitty, Tompkins. | | Date of birth?: | July 18, 1986. | | Sex?: | Female! | | Height?: | 5'9". | | Eye color?: | Green. | | Where were you born?: | Greenville, South Carolina. | | Number of candles on your last birthday cake?: | Hm, like 6 or 7, just so that I had something to make a wish on. | | Pets?: | None anymore. | | Hair color?: | Brownish-red with highlights. | | Piercings?: | My ears and lip (yes, still...). | | Town you live in?: | Murfreesboro, Tennessee. | | Favorite foods?: | Japanese, Italian, breakfast foods. | | Ever been to Africa?: | Nope. | | Been toilet papering?: | Yes. | | Love someone so much it made you cry?: | Sort of. | | Been in a car accident?: | Three, all of which I was just a passenger in. | | Croutons or bacon bits?: | Croutons. | | Favorite day of the week?: | Thursday. | | Favorite resturant?: | Hm...Monterrey's in Greenville, Ru San's in Nashville. | | Favorite flower?: | Daisies. | | Favorite sport to watch?: | College football, soccer, and postseason baseball. | | Favorite drink?: | Water, sweet tea, Earl Grey tea, and anything involving whiskey. | | Favorite ice cream flavor?: | Mint Chocolate Chip. | | Warner Bros. or Disney?: | Disney, just because they own Pixar. | | Favorite fast food restuarant?: | Does Kyoto's Express (Greenville) count? | | Carpet color in your bedroom?: | Tan in both TN and SC. | | How many times did you fail your driver's test?: | None. | | Whom did you get your last email from?: | MySpace Events. | | Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?: | J.Crew, Banana Republic, an record store, or the Apple Store. | | What do you do most often when you are bored?: | Sleep or play around online. | | Most annoying thing to say to me?: | Hm...I'll let you know when you say it. | | Bedtime?: | When I get sleepy. | | Favorite TV show?: | I don't really watch TV anymore, but it use to be Sex and the City and The West Wing. | | Last person you went out to dinner with?:: | My family. | | Been out of country?: | Yes. | | Believe in magick?: | Not really. | | Ford or Chevy?: | Ford, just because they own Volvo. | | What are you listening to right now?: | Michael Buble - Kissing a Fool. | | Have you ever failed a grade?: | Nope. | | If you have, what grade did you fail?: | | | Do you have a crush on someone?: | Yes. | | Do you have a bf/gf?: | No. | | If so, what is their name?: | | | How long have you been together?: | | | What are you wearing right now?: | Jeans and a hoodie. | | Would you have sex before marriage?: | I use to think that I wouldn't, but I kind of screwed that up... | | Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: | Totally. Mr. Storm, my 7th literature teacher! Haha... | | Are you a virgin?: | Nope. | | Do you smoke?: | No! | | Do you drink?: | Yes. | | Are you ghetto?: | Raamyn said that I was blacker than some black people she knows...that counts for something right? | | Are you a player?: | Nope. | | What are your favorite colors?: | Green and black. | | What is your favorite animal?: | Kitties, koalas, and llamas. | | Do you have any birthmarks?: | Nope. | | Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: | Well, I've had people actually "kick" my ass...but not in the fighting sense. | | Who do you talk to most on the phone?: | Hm...good question. | | Have you ever been slapped?: | Yes. | | Do you get online a lot?: | It just stays online. | | Are you shy or outgoing?: | I'd like to think that I'm a good combination of both. | | Do you shower?: | No. I just go around all smelly like. | | Do you hate school?: | No, actually I enjoy it. | | Do you have a social life?: | Yep. | | How easily do you trust people?: | Sometimes a little too easily. | | Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: | Probably so. | | Would you ever sky dive?: | Hm...I don't know. | | Do you like to dance?: | Slow dancing, yes. Anything else, no. | | Have you ever been out of state?: | Yes. | | Do you like to travel?: | Love it. | | Have you ever been expelled from school?: | Nope. | | Have you ever been suspended from school?: | Nope. | | Do you want to get out of your hometown?: | I am out of my hometown, thankfully. | | Are you spoiled?: | Yea, a little. | | Are you a brat?: | No. | | Have you ever been dumped?: | Yes. | | Have you ever gotten high?: | Nope. | | Do you like snapple?: | Lemon and Peach tea! | | Do you drink a lot of water?: | I do, but not as much as I should. | | What toothpaste do you use?: | Crest VividWhite Night. | | Do you have a cell phone?: | Yes. | | Do you have a curfew?: | No. | | Who do you look up to?: | Hm...my uncle Ed. | | Are you a role model?: | Man, I hope not. I'm not sure that would be good for them. | | Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?: | Six Flags over Georgia! | | What name brand do you wear the most?: | J.Crew. | | What kind of jewelry do you wear?: | Earrings, two rings, my Until There's a Cure bracelet, and sometimes a necklace. | | What do you want pierced?: | I'd like to get my lip repierced...but that won't happen. | | Do you like takin pictures?: | Oh yea. | | Do you like gettin your picture taken?: | Sometimes. | | Do you have a tan?: | HA! No. | | Do you get annoyed easily?: | Eh. Sometimes. Stupidity gets to me. | | Have you ever started a rumor?: | Hm...not that I can remember. | | Do you have your own phone or phone line?: | Cell phone. | | Do you have your own pool?: | There's a pool right below my balcony. | | Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: | Boxers. | | Do you have any siblings?: | One brother. | | Have you ever been played?: | Yep. Again...too trusting. | | Have you ever played anyone?: | Unfortunately yes. But at least I told him and didn't lie about it... | | Do you get along with your parents?: | Yep. | | How do you vent your anger?: | Sleep, meditation. | | Have you ever ran away?: | Nah. | | Have you ever been fired from a job?: | I wasn't fired, they just closed the restaurant. | | Do you even have a job?: | Nope. Ask me again in a few months. | | Do you daydream a lot?: | I space out but I'm not really thinking about anything. | | Do you have a lot of ex's?: | A handful. | | Do you run your mouth?: | Nah. | | What do you want a tattoo of?: | Don't want one. | | What do you have a tattoo of?: | | | What does your ex bf/gf look like?: | Caroline use to insist that he looked like Jude Law, and to a degree he did. | | What does your most recent crush look like?: | Wouldn't that give away who it is? | | Whats her/his name?: | Again...they know who they are, isn't that what matters? | | Have you ever been bitched out?: | Not really. | | Are you rude?: | I hope not. | | What was the last compliment you recieved?: | Hm...I don't know. Wanna fix that? Haha. | | Do you like getting dirty?: | I could make that question soooo wrong... | | Are you flexiable?: | And this one too... | | What is your heritage?: | Irish, Scot-Irish, Cherokee and Catawba Indian. | | What is your lucky number?: | 10. | | What does your hair look like right now?: | Messy, like always. | | Could you ever be a vegetarian?: | Probably not. | | Describe your looks?: | Uh...preppy/classy/casual. | | If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: | Red. Or auburn to be more exact...wait, I've already done that. | | Would you ever date someone younger than you?: | Hm...maybe. | | Would you ever date someone older than you?: | You're kidding right? | | When was the last time you were drunk?: | Probably a couple of nights ago. | | How many rings until you answer the phone?: | I answer it when I get to it. | | Have you ever been skinny dipping?: | Yea. | | If yes, when was the last time?: | Years ago. Crazy kids... | | When was the last time you went on a date?: | Who knows. It's been forever. | | Do you look more like your mother or father?: | Mother, father's personality though. | | Do you cry a lot?: | Nah. | | Do you ever cry to get your way?: | No. | | What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: | Hm...I don't know. Ask someone who talks to me a lot. | | Are you the romantic type?: | Total hopeless romantic. | | Have you ever been chased by cops?: | Nope. | | What do you like most about your body?: | My eyes/hair. | | What do you like least about your body?: | Hm...my lack of abs. | | When did you have your first crush?: | Kindergarten, Chris Jones. He was also my first kiss! | | When was the last time you threw up?: | Uh...last week...haha. | | In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: | Brunettes. | | Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?: | No. | | What about cleavage?: | I do have several v-neck shirts. | | Is your best friend a virgin?: | Nope. | | Have you ever fucked someone up?: | I've gotten someone extremely drunk...but not in the fighting sense. | | Have you ever been fucked up?: | Drunk, yes. Fighting, no. | | What theme does your room have?: | It's been dubbed the "Red Light District"...ask my roommates. | | What size show do you wear?: | "shoe" maybe? 9 - 9.5 depending on the shoe. | | What is your screen name on AIM?: | AManhattanAffair or AvenuesOfNeon with the first doesn't work. | | How are you feeling right now?: | Sleepy. | | When was the last time you were at a party?: | Well...big party, New Years Eve. | | Have you ever given a lapdance?: | Nope. | | Have you ever recieved one?: | Haha yes. | | Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: | Probably. | | What is one of your bad qualilties?: | My stubbornness. | | What is one of your good qualilties?: | My zen-like calmness. | | Would you marry for money?: | No way. | | What do you drive?: | Volvo S40. | | Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?: | More mommy, but I still have my dad wrapped around my finger. | | So?: | So what? | | Well?: | ...right. | | When was the last time you cried in school?: | Hm...not really sure. | | Would you ever hook up with the same sex?: | Been there, done that, won't do it again. | | What kind of music do you like?: | I love me some jazz... | | Would you ever bungee jump?: | No way. | | What is your worst fear?: | Being alone. | | Would you ever join the army?: | Hell no. | | Do you like cows?: | Uh, sure. | | If you were to die today, what would you do?: | Well, I'd be dead wouldn't I? | | If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?: | Living in ignorance isn't an option. | | Do you like to party?: | Of course. | | Hearts or broken hearts?: | ...Uh, hearts? | | Moons or stars?: | Stars. | | Coke or pepsi?: | Neither. | | Favorite scent?: | Lavender, vanilla, fresh cut grass in the summer, salt air. | | Favorite band?: | That's like chosing a favorite kid...except that I don't have children... | | Would you ever dye your hair red?: | I do. | | How many languages can you speak?: | Two...sort of. | | What time are you finishing this?: | 10:22pm. | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
|
|
| Losing a Whole Year |
[05 Jan 2006|05:19pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Panic! At The Disco - Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks |
] |
I confess that in 2005 I...
( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
( ) made-out for the first time
(x) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
(x) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker
( ) had a good relationship with someone
(x) someone questioned your sexual orientation (Sort of. I get hit on by girls all the freakin' time...why can't that be guys instead?!)
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
(x) met someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love
(x) lost faith in love (but have since regained it...well, some of it)
( ) kissed under miseltoe
WORK/SCHOOL
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
( ) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
(x) failed a class
(x) cut class
(x) skipped school
( ) got into a fight with a classmate
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
( ) proved yourself an idiot
( ) embarassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget
OTHER
( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went to camp
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
( ) visted a new state
( ) cooked a disasterous meal
(x) lost something important to you
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) realized something new about yourself
( ) went on a diet
( ) tried to gain weight
(x) dyed your hair
( ) came close to losing your life
( ) someone close to you died
(x) went to a party
(x) drank alcohol
(x) drank alcohol underage
( ) did (a) drug(s)
(x) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(x) saw your favorite band/artist live
(x) saw someone famous in person
( ) did something you want to tell everyone
( ) enjoyed this year overall
Moments that made 2005 ROCK:
1. Finally started to get to know the amazing people of Murfreesboro better.
2. Met several people who have changed my life in various ways.
3. Found my writing voice and wrote some kickass things.
4. Found a new love in photography.
5. Spent a week on a quiet island off the coast of SC in July which helped me figure things out and heal some wounds.
6. Spent most of the summer watching the six seasons of Sex and the City with Jamie, which turned out to be a great bonding experience.
7. Spent four days with my lover (NYC) in October, and I had almost forgotten how beautiful he is.
8. Found a lot of good new music - all of it being local artists.
9. Forgot about the events of the past 12 months and rang in 2006 with some of my best friends here in Murfreesboro.
Moments that made 2005 SUCK:
1. Lost what I thought was a great love, until I found out it was all a lie.
2. Due to the above, lost all faith in the male population (which I regained after number 5 on the "rock" list).
3. Spent four months not sleeping.
4. Almost got kicked out of my house over a piercing.
5. Got a plug in said piercing stuck...only to be surgically removed.
6. Spent more time away from Murfreesboro than I wanted to due to soccer.
7. Was accused of plagarism for the second time in my life, but this time, it could have completely ruined my future plans.
8. Failed my first class ever.
9. Been stuck in writer's block for almost five months.
So while it looks like 2005 should have been a good year, those moments on the "suck" list weigh much heavier because they were all super emotional. But, I learned and I've grown stronger because of the 2005. Even though it was a shitty year, it taught me a lot. But I'm glad it's over, so here's to 2006.
Since I've been back, I've spent my time hanging out with my friends and drinking. And that's exactly how break should be. I'll be home in Greenville one last time on Wednesday. After this little three day trip, I will not be returning to Greenville for quite some time, more likely until this summer sometime. So if you really really want to see me, try and book your time now - it's going fast.
Anywho, I'm out. Things to do and people to see. Hope all of you who have started classes again are enjoying them!! Haha sorry... =]
.just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of hate.
|
|
| What I'd Say (Part 2) |
[27 Dec 2005|10:33pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jordon Knight - Separate Ways |
] |
Ok. No more surveys [another one on myspace] for today. I'm surveyed out and now I have a headache as a result. Ok, that's a lie, but still. I do have the headache, which started around halftime of the Clemson game (which they won, 19-10!!! WOO!!! GO TIGERS!) and it hasn't gone away since. Bah. Early to bed for me.
My parents really enjoyed their dinner that my brother and I set up. That makes me happy. Unfortunately, it's really rare nowadays to find couples that have been married for 30 years or more, and it's really a testament to the effort that they have been willing to put forth to make the marriage work. Marriage isn't supposed to be a piece of cake, and those that last their whole lives earn a lot of respect from me.
I'm pretty skeptical of marriage nowadays, despite my parents' success. No one seems to take it seriously anymore and that really disappoints me. I'm not much of a traditionalist on a lot of things, but marriage is one of them. Of course, it won't be a huge church ceremony for me, but if and when I do finally head that route, I'm in it for good. Divorce is not an option for me.
I've got a quite awhile before I even start thinking about that though. First I need a date. But even then, I really don't want to get married until after law school. I mean hell, I'll only be 23 when I graduate law school! Goddamn, I'm so young...
Christmas time does definitely make me think about my love life though. There's just something in the air that makes it so perfect for falling in love. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that sleeping with someone is so much warmer than sleeping alone. Ok, that's only part of it, but it's true. It's all the little things that add up that you slowly start to realize that you actually really miss.
I have the opportunity to start a new relationship actually. But, I've made a promise to myself that I will not get involved with another person who doesn't live near me. I just can't do that anymore. Not that he's not a great guy, he's wonderful and handsome, but it's just too much work. And now I kind of sound like a hypocrite.
I've always promoted following your heart, no matter what. But I just don't have the TIME to put forth the effort it would take to make this relationship work. Hell, I barely have time for myself, much less anyone else. Granted, if he was closer, it would be a lot easier to make the time. Being in another state makes it really hard. I went down that long distance road for 3 and half years, and I just, for once, want to find someone in the same zip code.
I think I should make that a New Years Resolution. Actually...that's a good idea. I've never actual made any resolutions for the new year, and I think that this year is a good year to do so. So here goes...
1. End my Kitty-whore streak, and actually settle down again. But, with someone in my own zip code, or the 30 mile radius (have to count Nashville...hot guys up there).
2. Devote more time to my photography and writing. Having a new camera should definitely get me motivated for the photography; as for the writing, it's just time to stop holding back.
3. I'm going to work out three times a week until soccer starts, when then I'll practice three times a week and only work out twice a week.
4. Bring my grades back up to at least a 3.5 for the spring semester.
Ok, I'm done for now. Those are the big things.
Speaking of the camera thing, I did finally get a new digital for Christmas - a FujiFilm s5100. No, it's not an SLR but there's nothing wrong with that. It's not the camera that makes the pictures, it's the photographer. Sure the quality of the SLR's helps, but if you can't take good pictures with a regular camera, spending $800 on a camera isn't going to help you. Don't worry though, I'm not abandoning my old school 35mm - he still needs love too.
I'm going downtown tomorrow evening to meet up with a friend before I leave town, and hopefully while I'm there, I can get some good shots of downtown Greenville with the new camera. The camera needs a name. Any thoughts?
Speaking of leaving. I feel like I've been back for a lot longer than 2 weeks. I've really enjoyed getting to catch up with some of you. Trust me, when I talk about how I'm ready to get back to Tennessee, it's not because I don't love you guys anymore. Why do you think that I'm always telling you guys to come up and visit?! My friends here and my friends in the Boro are definitely a lot different, but I love you both. It's really Greenville that makes me get antsy to get back to TN after like 4 days. I just can't stand to be in this town too much anymore. While I wish a had a few more days to spend with you guys (which I guess I technically DO have...), I can't wait to leave on Thursday. As much as I do love South Carolina, I've got to leave. I just wish I could take a few of you with me.
I think with that, I'm going to bed. My headache is starting to go away a little, but I'm tired. Time to curl up in my huge ass bed all alone, when I'd be a hell of a lot more comfortable with someone else here.
.when did we go from saying "i love you" to saying "i'll see you around someday".
|
|
|
[27 Dec 2005|10:49am] |
Ok, so it's not a real entry...but I promise I'll make one of those before I leave Greenville on Thursday. Anywho, I'm just wasting time before my mom and I go get pedicures and then I have to go get a card and head over to Rick Erwin's to pick out a couple of bottles of wine because my brother and I are surprising our parents with a nice romantic dinner for two, since today is their 30th wedding anniversary!! Hope all of you are having wonderful holidays and breaks!
Two Names You Go By
1. Katherine (Kat, Kitty, KT...).
2. Tompkins (only a rare few...but a good few =]).
Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Scot-Irish.
2. Irish.
(And you people wonder how I can drink so much whiskey...)
Two Things That Scare You
1. Spiders.
2. Being alone.
Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Showers.
2. Cup of tea.
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. My favorite jeans.
2. Yellow camisole.
Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Major label artists: Nine Inch Nails and Jump Little Children.
2. Local artists: Rob Blackledge and Chris Love (both on MySpace).
Two Truths
1. I can't wait to get back to Tennessee on Thursday. (because...)
2. I've realized just how much I don't belong in South Carolina anymore.
Two Physical Things That Get You Compliments
1. My hair.
2. My eyes.
Five of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Sleeping.
2. Photography.
3. Writing.
4. Drinking (Daniel, it's a hobby...at least we can consider it so =])
5. Does kissing count? Yea, I think it does.
Two Things You Want Really Badly Right now?
1. A one way ticket to New York City.
2. Someone to go with me.
Three Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Brazil.
2. Austraila.
3. Italy.
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Find happiness, within myself and with life.
2. Start a jazz club.
Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Trying to plan out some of the rest of my break.
2. My camera. Yea yea...I'm really excited about it.
1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or start water while your in? Start the water, let it get all hot and steamy, then get in.
3.) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottles? When buying a new brand.
4.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essences comercial? Not on an every day occasion unfortunately...
5.) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Everyone should. (And to answer the question, yes.)
6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? No.
7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? I've dropped my metal shaving cream bottle on my foot...that left a bruise.
8.) How old do you look? Uh, like 21-ish. At least that's how old everyone thinks I am.
9. How old do you act? Too old.
10.) Do you sing in the shower? All the time.
11.) Have you recently become a member of anything? Hm...no.
12.) What are your plans for the weekend? I'm really not quite sure what yet...I'll either be in Murfreesboro or Nashville though.
13.) Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? Closed fool!
14.) Does anything on your body itch right now? There's this weird rash...
15.) Who's the sexiest famous woman alive? Alive? Damn. I have answers if it could have been dead. I'll go with...ok, I'm stuck.
16.) Who's the sexiest famous MAN alive? Jude Law!!!
17.) Who do you like right now? No one person in particular. If you're willing to change my mind, you can contact me at the information at the bottom of the screen.
18) Does every family have a crazy uncle or is it just mine? Just you.
19). Have you ever smuggled something into America? I haven't, but I've had stuff smuggled in for me. =]
20). Do you think everything happens for a reason? Of course.
21). Do you live in a state with a good sports team? South Carolina has Clemson University (my boys play their bowl game in an hour!!! GO TIGERS!!). Tennessee...uh, no.
22). Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the kernals? No, I'm not even a big popcorn eater.
23). Have you ever had sex in a tent? Nope. Not a big outdoorsy kind of girl...
24). What about at the beach? On my list of things to do.
25). Have you ever dated a Goth? Live with one, yes. Dated one, no.
26.) Would you kiss the person who posted this? Daniel is the only person who can truly keep up with my drinking (and then surpass me). That deserves a kiss.
28.) Would you kill George W Bush yourself if you were guaranteed to get away with it? Don't tempt me.
29.) Should guys wear pink? Why not? Guys who give that bullshit answer "I'm too manly for that," yea, no, you're not. You're just a pussy.
.it's too hot out to be winter; i need cold weather.
|
|
| What'd I Say (Part. 1) |
[11 Dec 2005|02:55am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Massive Attack - Weather Pattern |
] |
[This top part was written on December 10th, around 4am]
So at 12am, I decided that it had been long enough. I decided that the only way that I was going to relax and open up my mind was to give in to temptation. So I got in my car and drove to pick it up. The smell lured me in all the way home and I couldn't wait to dive right into it when I got back to the apartment. I remember how it use to feel - so warm, inviting, soothing. All the things I was looking for tonight, because the 18 degree weather and the stress of exams was just getting to me. So I did it. And damn it felt good.
Bubble baths are definitely the greatest things ever. =]
Seriously, I know where the urge came from. It's actually been building up inside of me for a couple of days now. I figured it was just about damn time since I can't remember the last time that I took one. As I ran the water, I made a playlist in iTunes (entitled "Bubble Bath" - go figure), refilled my oil candle, and set the alarm on my cell phone just in case. Between the glow of the Christmas lights in my room setting a backdrop for the dancing flame from the candle in the bathroom, and the scent of vanilla and lavender consuming my senses from the water that I was laying in, I was completely where I wanted to be - lost in my own thoughts and not caring about a damn thing, except whether or not the water was going to get cold. And it never did.
I was talking to a friend earlier about how I have become someone that I once was. I have become the middle school me again, and while it's not necessarily a bad thing (obviously I am older and slightly wiser now), it doesn't feel like it's who I should be. Or maybe it really is who I am, and what I think that I should be is just me trying to be a better person. These are questions that need answers, but I've decided that there's really no reason to answer them now.
Ok, so I stopped writing last night right there. But...I'm going to pick it back up. Ready. Set. Go!
Bubble Bath playlist tonight:
1. Coldplay - Trouble (Parachutes)
2. Aimee Mann - High On Sunday 51 (Lost in Space)
3. BT - Satelite (Movement in Still Life)
4. Dave Matthews Band - Crush (Before These Crowded Streets)
5. BT - Love on Haight Street (Movement in Still Life)
6. Coldplay - Amsterdam (A Rush of Blood to the Head)
7. Aimee Mann - It's Not (Lost in Space)
8. Billy Joel - She's Got a Way (The Essential Billy Joel)
9. Chris Botti - When I Fall in Love (When I Fall in Love)
10. Al Green - Simply Beautiful (I'm Still in Love With You)
11. Duncan Sheik - This is How my Heart Heard (Phantom Moon)
12. Massive Attack - Black Milk (Mezzanine)
Ok, so while I enjoyed these songs, shuffle really doesn't do a good job of actually shuffling up the songs. There are 78 songs in this playlist, and I heard two songs each from three different artists!! Oh well, all good songs. At least I didn't hear any of the same songs that I did last night...
So more about that topic that started last night. Most of you are probably wondering what the hell I'm even talking about. Some of you know, but I'll just go ahead and clue in all of the rest of you.
I have become the playgirl that I use to be back years ago. Yea, I say years ago, because I started settling into more long-term relationships during high school. Before that though, it was all about having a different guy every week kind of thing. I had several close guy friends, all of whom I had relations with. Friends with benefits, if you will.
The underlying problem with all of this is that I really do love being in a relationship. I love having someone to come home to at night, even if technically we aren't together at night. It's just knowing that at the end of the day, someone is thinking about me, someone who I can fall asleep in his arms. Really. I'm pretty simple and easy to please like that.
Don't get me wrong though, I've really enjoyed myself for the past eight or so months. I've met some really great guys and have become very good friends with the majority of them. Ok, wait. First off, let's get one thing straight - I'm not sleeping with all of these guys, I don't want to sound like too much of a whore here. Second off, we're only talking about like five or so guys here, and these aren't guys that I just picked up off the street or anything.
Anywho. My point is, is that while I have been enjoying myself, there's still something missing. And I figured out exactly what it is during my bath tonight. See, while I really enjoy the different guys, deep down, I really do want the one guy to come home to. Not that I can't be faithful, because I am 100% when I'm a relationship, but enjoying the company of two different guys in one weekend is a hell of a lot of fun. =]
I just need to find that one guy who I can come home to, yet still be free enough to do my own thing. Haha, damn, am I turning into a slight swinger? Don't even comment on that...
I was asked why I haven't just settled down with any of these guys yet. And yea, while the attraction is there and a base friendship, most of these guys wouldn't make for good relationship material - at least for me. Now if I could combine three of them - one's looks with another's playfulness (my inner child has finally showing her cute little face again thanks to him) and the other's intelligence...damn, I'd be set. But, obviously that's not going to happen.
Really, it just comes down to the fact that I'm too picky. Not so much picky on looks (hey, don't get me wrong, I have my standards, but they aren't as important as other things), but I'm extremely picky when it comes down to personality. Over the course of the months, I have figured out that there really are a few key elements that must be mutual.
1. Conversations should be able to vary from the intelligent to the downright stupid. And should be able to last for hours.
2. Old movies. I love old movies, and while he doesn't have to love them, he just has to be willing to watch at least a few and listen as I ramble off my knowledge of them. Oh, in the movie category...I hate stupid humor, i.e. anything that smells like American Pie. I won't watch it. I need substance to my movies.
3. Jazz. Same as the old movies thing, except a bigger deal in my book. Music is a huge part of my life, and jazz is my first love. When you tell me that you don't know who Bird, Lady Day, Davis, Coltrane, the Duke, and Monk are, you are going to break my heart. But, by letting me introduce you to them, it will mend. If you just outright tell me that you hate jazz...you can forget it.
4. Active but geeky. I play soccer and chess. I like working out and reading a good novel. Get the picture? He should be able to do something along the same lines.
Ok. There's actually more that I have to say, not just about this topic but about some other things, but it's 3am and I have so much work to do. So I'm going to go highlight my Survey of Recording Industry notes (yes, all 30 pages!), take a short 3 hour nap, wake up and work on my Jazz and Blues in Literature essays that are due by 4pm Monday afternoon. 37 hours and counting!!!
Oh, there will be a part two to this...it's what I'll do while I'm trying to take a break tomorrow...if I can.
I wish everyone good luck on all of their exams this week!!
.57 hours and fall '05 is over.
|
|
| The Drugs Don't Work |
[09 Dec 2005|10:02pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Chris Love - Not That Ordinary |
] |
Product of procrastination. More than likely something of more substance to follow later tonight...
NINE LASTS
1. Last Alchoholic Drink: My last Sam Adams Winter Lager last night with dinner.
2. Last Vehicle Ride: Yesterday.
3. Last CD Played: Uh...I've been listening to mixes in iTunes. Oh wait, I guess whatever was in my car last, which would have been Queens of the Stone Age.
4. Last Bubble Bath: Way too long ago.
5. Last Time You Cried: Sometime over the summer.
6. Last Hug: Last night.
7. Last time you really got upset: Can't remember, probably something Jazz and Blues in Literature related.
8. Last time you watched TV: Watched a little last night.
9. Last time you went swimming: Over the summer.
EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS
1. Have you ever dated your best friend: He became my best friend, and while we don't talk like we used to, I still love him like my best friend.
2. Have you ever been arrested: Nope.
3. Have you ever stolen money from a friend or parent: Nope.
4. Have you ever skinny dipped: Yes.
5. Have you ever been on TV: Yes.
6. Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: Unfortunately.
7. Have you ever had a dream about someone you knew: Yep.
8. Have you ever felt like your parents favor one sibling over another? On occasion.
SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING
1. Underwear.
2. Adidas shorts.
3. MTSU sweatpants.
4. MTSU Club Soccer shirt.
5. My star ring.
6. Blue hair rubberband on my left wrist.
7. Red hair rubberhand on my left wrist.
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. Woke up.
2. Studied.
3. Took my first exam (US History).
4. Sold a few books back.
5. Took a nap.
6. Cleaned my room.
FIVE THINGS YOU LOVE TO DO
1. Long conversations - those that last until the wee hours.
2. Write.
3. Discover new music.
4. Fall asleep to movies.
5. Be around my close friends.
FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL EVERYTHING TO
1. Christina.
2. Jamie.
3. Justin.
4. Several other people that I can tell a lot too, but not everything.
THREE CHOICES
1. Eat or Drink? Drink.
2. skittles or starburst? Starburst.
3. pink or green? Green.
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Figure out who the hell I am.
2. Live abroad for no less than a year.
ONE THING YOU REGRET
1. Growing up too fast.
.so much work to do, so little time.
|
|
|
[23 Nov 2005|01:37am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
BT - Love on Haight Street |
] |
I'm going home tomorrow for the first time since August. I couldn't be more excited. Hell, I wish I was there now. I can't wait to see my parents, my brother, my friends (those who are in town), and I can't wait to sleep in my own bed for the first time in four months.
I'm surprised by how much I miss home. Actually, right now I just need to get away from Tennessee, even if it is just for a few days. One could make the argument that I really haven't spent too much time around here lately anyways, but traveling for soccer tournaments just doesn't cut it.
I want to have a homecooked meal with my family. I want to go visit my Barnes and Noble (while sitting in my Eastern Religion section, being harassed by the BJU kids...haha). I want to catch up with Jamie over some episdoes of Sex and the City. And I want to go eat some good Mexican food with Eric. I miss wandering aimlessly around my downtown. I miss constantly running into people that I know. I miss knowing that no matter what happens, I have a strong support system close by.
You could tell me that if I missed home so much, I should just transfer to a school in South Carolina. It's not that easy though. I drove myself to Tennessee with a purpose, and I will not leave here until I've accomplished what I came here to do. I don't want to go back to Greenville permanently. I don't want to be one of those people that never leaves. But I've realized that I do need to go back and visit, more often than I thought I was going to need.
But more than that, I need to make Tennessee my home, even if only temporarily. This semester has been really rough on me and I've realized that nine times out of ten, I found myself relying on those who are 350 miles away from here to support me. I need more of that kind of support system here. Part of that is my own fault, due to the fact that half the time I'm out traveling the southeast, but it's time that I really started confiding in more people here. I'm not going to say that I don't have anyone, for there are a few who I've opened up too.
Thing is, is that it takes me a long time to finally open up and really let out what's bothering me. My friends back in SC can atest to this the best, for some of them have known me for years and I still won't really open up to them. There are only a select few that I'll actually break down too. It all comes down to a trust issue really.
And I have a trust issue with Tennessee. Unfortunately, most of the trust I had was completely destroyed by one person. Even now, after the wounds have healed, I'm having a hard time trusting anyone, especially those of the opposite sex. I associate a lot of hurt, anger, and depression with the little over a year that I've spent here in Murfreesboro. Some of that has been emotional, some of that has been academic related, but really, it's just been all about me growing up. Life here in Tennessee has presented me with the greatest challenge so far.
I need a fresh start here in this state, and I think that I can truly make one with the upcoming new year. This semester, while it was a semi-fresh start, wasn't enough to do the job. I need to bring in the new year here, surrounded by those that I'm surrounded by on a daily basis. I need to let last year be last year, and put it all behind me. Everything happened for a reason, and everything that I have faced in the past year has somehow had some sort of impact on my life, whether big or small.
Things are going to be different, I can already feel it.
My music stopped, as did my train of thought. I really hate when that happens. Probably for the best though, for I need to get some rest in order to be up and at 'em for class in the morning, then for my five hour drive back home.
.i want to tell you all the things that i never could say.
|
|
| What's Going On |
[16 Nov 2005|01:11pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
A Perfect Circle - Freedom of Choice |
] |
Plagiarism Update:
So I met with the lady from Judicial Affairs today, and basically she's putting me on academic suspension....
Ha! Kidding...
No, actually, all I got was a written reprimand and the F for the assignment/class. That's it. Done and over with.
BUT, Mrs. Owens is now extremely pissed at Mrs. McCree for the following reasons:
1. Not handling the process as it should have been, i.e. that whole kicking me out of class thing because she didn't have the right to. She actually took away MY rights...bitch.
2. For taking almost a month to submit my academic misconduct form into Judicial Affairs.
3. For not allowing me the option to correct my citation mistakes (well, lack of citations) like any normal introductory level speech (or any intro class, for that matter) professor would have done.
So basically, I'm off the hook. While, yes, I do have an F on my transcript which SUCKS hardcore, there's nothing bad on my record. But, if I do happen to slip up again, I could be put on academic probation or even suspension. So you guys are going to carefully edit any and all papers I write from here on out that involve citations, right?? Right...
So while that was a semi-highlight of the day, I woke up feeling like complete shit and still do. Mostly just a sore throat and my neck hurts like a mofo. But, alas, I must go pack for Alabama. I'll be gone to Nationals until Saturday afternoon but I can look forward to the fact that I will be DONE with soccer when I return home - woohoo!!!. Hope all of you have a great rest of the week!!
Oh wait, a couple of random sidenotes:
1. Everyone go see Walk the Line and Harry Potter this weekend. Again, for anyone that wants to go, some of us will be going to Nashville Sunday afternoon to see Harry Potter.
2. I think it's funny as hell that Kanye West, THE top performer right now in America, can't even sell 2000 tickets here for his concert tomorrow night at MTSU. Maybe they will finally learn to STOP BOOKING RAP ARTISTS!!!
Ok, off to pack - sometimes I wonder why I even bother to unpack because it seems as of late, I've been constantly on the road. Such is the life of a nomad...
.is this semester ever going to end.
|
|
| Trapped in a Box |
[10 Nov 2005|12:37am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
No Doubt - Bathwater |
] |
So, it’s probably a good thing that most of you probably could care less about reading my rants and rambles since they have been very few and far-between lately. Actually, I’m starting to miss my long-winded rambles of the summer; they were a lot of fun to write. I really need to start writing more again anyways, but I just have a hard time actually finding the time to do so. Right now, it’s just another form of procrastination.
Anywho, let’s get this show on the road.
This makes it apparent that I am actually still alive and breathing, despite popular belief. I know that I haven’t been around much, but it’s not entirely my fault.
Soccer for one, has completely decided to eat me alive. This weekend is the first weekend in four weekends where I won’t be seeing the girls at some point in time during the weekend (Could I have used ‘weekend’ one more time?). Let me tell you, I’m looking forward to it. Granted though, I will not be here in Murfreesboro; I’m going down to Atlanta to hang out with friends there. I know, I know, I really should be staying here, but I haven’t been down there since Labor Day, and I need a city fix. That and I can never turn down the opportunity to hang out with a bunch of hot guys. Hey, I’m only human. A single human female at that… =]
So, now that we only have Nationals left for the season, our other goalie has come to join us. Granted, this doesn’t mean that I’m going to get to see any field time in Alabama, but it is nice to know that I might not have to play in the goal the whole time. She seems pretty cool, and she’s a pretty good keeper. She just hasn’t been at it in awhile (that whole broken wrist thing) but I’m sure that as soon as she get back into it, she’ll be good to go. This does, however, give me some hope for next semester and maybe finally getting to see some field time. We’ll see.
School has also been the other cause of me not being around. This, however, makes plenty of sense seeing as I am in college. I just cannot understand why professors have to save up all of the big projects and work for the end of the semester. It’s like we can basically coast through the first month and half or so of the semester but then come Fall Break, it’s like BAM! constant stream of work! Right now, it’s my Jazz and Blues in Literature class that’s causing me the most problems: took half of my poetry unit essay exam today in class, then the take-home portion is due by Friday at 4pm, and our poetry analysis essay is due Monday in class. Damn, make us write a little more would you? Luckily, I’m good with papers like that; I’m sure I’ll get it all done and done well.
Honestly, I couldn’t tell you how I’m doing this semester. Usually, I can tell but this semester just hasn’t been very good to me. I’m sure that I’m doing fine in most of my classes but one can never tell these days. I know that I’m not failing anything, besides speech obviously, but I’m just hoping that I’m going to finish with A’s and B’s in everything. That’s the geek in me though. I just wish I could have a repeat of fall semester last year where I had all A+’s and one B…damn B threw off my 4.0!!
Oh, and speaking of speech, I finally got my email from Judicial Affairs and my letter from Mrs. McCree about things. I’m supposed to be meeting with Judicial Affairs next Thursday but I’ll be in Tuscaloosa so I need to get that changed. Hopefully they can get me in earlier in the week so that I can get this stuff all straightened out. She’s recommending an F for the assignment and F for the course if I’m found guilty (which I am, I won’t try to argue differently), and I’m hoping that will be the extent of it. And I have found out that when I go to apply for law schools, that they will not see my Judicial Affairs record, so even if I do have the plagiarism thing on there, they won’t know. Whew! I really just want to get all of this behind me and move on. If I really wanted to be a bitch, I could sign up to retake McCree next semester, but I’d much rather save my sanity. Hell, she’d probably kick me out or something…
Oh, and that little piece of plastic that’s keeping a hole in my lip – yea, it’s still there. Hopefully though, I will be getting that taken care of before or shortly after Thanksgiving. I already miss it though. I’m definitely going to have to actually talk to my parents this time about getting it repierced, at least for a little while, like when they don’t have to look at me…
Hm…what else can I waste time by rambling about…
Oh, so I’m going through my whole “I want to transfer” phase again. For those of you avid readers, you’ll probably remember last semester when I was looking at transferring. This is apparently going to become an end of the semester event for me. This year, I added to the list Butler University. So that makes it NYU, Northeastern, and Butler. And common thread between all of them (besides my major) – all big cities: New York, Boston, and Indianapolis. Really, that is the biggest problem for me right now.
College is not just about the classes you’re taking. College is about growing up. It’s about experiencing the environment around you and learning from it. It’s about getting out there and discovering what makes this world go around. I mean, I know that I’ve harped on this again and again, but I continue to find people out there who don’t seem to understand that college is an experience to not just limit at going to class. This, I find incredibly sad.
I have actually discovered though, that there are a lot of unhappy campers around here right now. I mean, I’ll be honest; the only thing that is going to keep me here at MTSU is the fact that the Recording Industry program is the best one out there. There would be no reason for me to give up on that. If it wasn’t for that, my ass would be out of here. Well, I probably wouldn’t have even come here in the first place. I would really miss the people here though. That’s the thing, I love MTSU and my friends, but it’s Murfreesboro and this area that I just can’t stand. I’m not a small-town country kind of girl. I’d much rather be under the bright lights of a city than here in the middle of BFE. Granted, there are worse places in Tennessee I could be, but I definitely downgraded when I decided to move from Greenville to Murfreesboro.
Some have asked why I don’t just move up to Nashville. Granted, that would probably work for the time being, but I really don’t want to commute everyday (even though I know people do all the time) and I don’t want to transfer to Belmont. I could attempt to go there for law school, but honestly, as soon as I graduate, I’m out of here. I’ve grown quite weary of the area (I know I’ve only been here for a little over a year), and I really need a change of scenery.
It’s funny because my whole need to move thing, really isn’t that new to me. I’ve always talked about moving away from Greenville; it just so happened that college was my first opportunity. Now I’m ready to move again, somewhere bigger. I’ll definitely be staying east coast so for those of you who will yell at me for moving far away, I’ll still be on the same seaboard. Hell, I need to get back to state with a coastline. This not being able to drive down to the beach thing sucks.
Ok, I’ve realized that I’ve wasted plenty of time. And really, I’ve caught those of you up who don’t know the lame ass details of my life. I’ll be working my ass off all day tomorrow to get my Jazz and Blues stuff done, party tomorrow night at Haley’s, then I’m off to ATL Friday afternoon and I’ll be gone until Sunday evening. So if you really need me, you’ll do best by just calling my cell. That is if I even answer it.
Oh, next Sunday for those of you that might be interested – some of us are more than likely going to be heading up to Nashville to see Harry Potter. If you’re interested, let me know.
.this world is coming to an end.
|
|
| Punish Me |
[30 Oct 2005|11:34pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Eric Clapton - Change the World |
] |
Yea, so I'm still feeling like I'm being punished for pissing off some higher power. Let's review my latest adventure...
So, the MTSU Womens Club Soccer team was off to Clemson for the weekend for a tournament. I, for one, was pretty stoked about this because Clemson is 45 minutes from home, I love Clemson, and I was going to get to see my family and maybe some friends.
But I should have expected that this wasn't going to be the trip I was hoping that it was going to be.
So first off, we lose to Clemson Friday night. Ok, that's fine. We can move on from that. Saturday, we beat College of Charleston and LSU. So here things were looking better. My parents came out to watch and that was awesome, even though my mom was rubbing it in my face that they were leaving for the beach today. She deserves and needs it though. So the morning/afternoon were going great. I should have figured that things wouldn't stay this way.
We lose to USC on a self-goal. Yea. So not only did we lose to Clemson, we lost to USC - a team that only took two shots on goal. This of course knocked us out from going on to playing Sunday. Plans were then set to go back, shower, grab some food and alcohol and keep things low key and quiet for the rest of night so that we could get up early and make it back in time to see the D1 team play.
Again...we should have known better...
20 minutes after getting back to the hotel, the power goes out. I'm not talking like it goes off and comes back on, it goes out. So for three and half hours, we are in the dark. This, however, actually turned out to be a lot of fun, mostly due to the guys from Southern Polytechnic out of ATL. There were a lot of showers taken with flashlights, way too much Spanish spoken for my English mind, alcohol, trips to the gas station when the generator-powered lights went out and we were really in the dark (cell phones don't provide that much light...), more alcohol, being kicked out of the hall at 11pm because it was "late", drinking in the lobby with the old people, and a 2:30am trip to Waffle House. I remember looking at my phone when Rockit and I got back from WaHo and it being like 3:45am or something, and we had to get up at 7:30. It wasn't pretty...but we did have a lot of fun.
This has lead me to believe that all of the great guys (personality wise and looks wise) are all in Atlanta. Ok, so maybe not ALL of them are, but there's a definite shortage here in Murfreesboro/Nashville of the kind of guys that we hung out with. This doesn't even take into account the great guys that I already know in ATL; it only adds to it. This has lead to my decision that my next move is going to be Atlanta. What better reason could you think of for moving somewhere other than to enjoy the scenery?? =]
Oh, and that free weekend that I'm supposed to be having in like two weekends...yea, I'm definitely going to be in ATL now. Haha. Oh well...you only live once, I can sleep when I'm dead.
So, it's 8am and all we want to do is get on the bus, pass back out and get the hell back home. But no. Life just isn't that easy for us. The battery in the bus was dead and therefore we couldn't leave. So for 4 and half hours, we hang out in the lobby of the hotel (because of course we had already checked out before we found out about the bus) while our kickass bus driver tries to find us a new battery. Finally at 12:30pm, we are able to pack up and head home. Our original goal was to be back in Murfreesboro at 1pm to see the woman play North Texas, but of course that wasn't going to happen now.
The soccer team ended up upsetting North Texas, 3-1 - the biggest game of the season and we missed it. We got back around 5:30pm, 4 and half hours behind schedule. Let's just say, I have never been so grateful to get off of a bus in my life. I'm 5'9" and trying to sleep in a charter bus where I can't spread out across the aisle really sucks. My neck and my back are killing me now. And I still have work to do.
If you'd like to know more of the fun details of the trip, just talk to me - this was the quickest overview I could give. Saturday night was actually pretty interesting, but I just don't feel like typing it all out. Sunday was pretty inter...I mean shitty, too. Haha. Man we just can't get a break.
Ok, I'm out. There's work to do and sleep to be had. Tomorrow night - Nine Inch Nails!!! Woo!!!
.the goalies are the coolest people on the team, and we have the coolest hair.
|
|
| On the Coast of Somewhere Beautiful |
[26 Oct 2005|07:28pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Garth Brooks - Rodeo |
] |
On the coast of somewhere beautiful,
Tradewinds blowin' through her hair,
Sunlight dancin' on the water and I wish I was there,
I don't know how I'm gonna find her,
All I know so far,
She's on the coast of somewhere beautiful
Runnin' with my heart
Right now, the only thing that would make this day better would be that if instead of staring out my window onto my parking lot, I was staring out over the crystal clear Caribbean from a 35ft sailboat with a hot guy by my side. Then...then this day would be wonderful. Because yes, even in the middle of Fall, sailing down in the Virgin Islands is still possible.
But instead, I'll settle for the parking lot and the glorious weather that we are having today. Perfect temperature (56 according to weather.com), pristine blue skies with clouds floating by, and there's that clean, crisp smell to the air that lets you know that fall has really arrived.
And it's about damn time that it got here.
Actually, it's days like today that make me long for a relationship. There's just something about this time of the year and relationships that go so well together. I think it's something in the air that just makes you want to fall in love. That and I'm just a relationship person and I think that I'm finally ready to go back down that road again.
Despite the fact that the past couple of weeks haven't treated me too well, it's so hard to be down on a day like today. Actually, it's damn near impossible for me to be down when the weather is like this. I just look outside and I smile. Fall has always been my favorite time of the year and it's the fall days like today that just make me want to be outside and stay outside, long after the sun has set and the moon is shining bright. Tonight would be a perfect night for some chess and wine on top of the BAS...
I want to thank all of my friends (Tennessee and South Carolina kids) who have been supportive of me lately. I know a lot of you still don't know what's really going on, but just knowing that you're there for me is very comforting. It's hard to be 350 miles from home and have a lot of shit pile up all at once. You guys were there for me and I appreciate it and love all of you for it.
I will at least explain the biggest of my troubles from the past couple of weeks. I was kicked out of my speech class last week for plagiarism. Yep, the honors kid fucked up. What I did was completely unintentional, for I just entirely forgot to cite all my sources on my outline (even though there was a works cited page and copies of the first pages of every source attached). During my speech however, I cited every one of my sources. I never tried to claim any of my information as my own, but I realize my mistake and it's something that I will now have to live with.
The extremely huge problem with all of this (besides the fact that my chances of going to a decent law school now are GONE) is that I'm not sure what my fate at MTSU is now. According to the Judicial Affairs website (which my asshole of a speech teacher sent me to instead of just answering my questions straight up), if I'm found guilty, my grade will stand - and that's it. It doesn't stay anything else about academic probation, suspension, or even expulsion. So hopefully I can get all of this settled, take my F for speech and the plagiarism on my record and move on from all of this. I don't really think that they are going to kick me out, but the fact that there is even the chance that it could happen, really worries me.
So there's my biggest problem right now. Actually, everything else in my life right now is going pretty well. And that's a good sign. Hopefully, I can continue to crawl my way out of the hole I fell into and turn the rest of this semester around.
Oh, wait. One more slight problem right now...I have this piece of plastic stuck in my lip. Haha. So, this past weekend, we were in Tupelo for Regionals (which was awful, don't ask) and I had to take my ring out of my lip and put in a clear plug. Well, mouth piercings tend to heal pretty quickly and since I technically shouldn't have even taken the ring out yet, it decided to go ahead and heal over the back of the plug. So yea, the plug and my lip have become one. Granted it's keeping the hole in my lip, but right now, I'd much rather it not be there. It's not bothering me and it's not really affecting my health or anything so it's going to stay there until I can go home and go to the doctor and get him to cut it out of my lip. Unfortunately, my attempts to do it myself have all failed, mostly because I can't keep my lip numb long enough. If you have any helpful suggestions, please send them my way because if I do it myself, I'll probably be able to throw my ring back in there. I know that if I go to the doctor, I won't be able to save the piercing and I'll have to wait until I can go get it pierced again.
[insert hour and half long pause for soccer practice]
Ok, so I was going to write some more but at this point I really have nothing else to say. Hope you guys enjoyed what was actually a decent post from me. I'm sure I'll have more to say later tonight.
As for now, it's time for a shower, tacos and smores. Hell yea =]
.i'll be looking foward to my tackle-hug on friday newton.
|
|
|
[24 Oct 2005|12:08am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Murphey - Funeral |
] |
To Whom It May Concern:
I am alive and breathing, but I'm basically non-existant otherwise. If you haven't seen/talked to me in awhile, I'm sorry but that's how things are going to be for now. Life's too fucked up right now.
So, this has officially been the worst year for me to date. And honestly, it's been the past month or so that has really given this year that title. Yea, a lot of the beginning of the year was shit too, but it just seems that everything that could have possibly gone wrong recently, has gone extremely wrong. And even that is an understatement.
Don't get me wrong, there have been some really great moments in there too...but unfortunately right now, the bad outweighs the good by a ton.
I'm not even going to begin to try to explain everything that has been beating me down right now. There's just too much and most of it, I just don't even want to think about right now.
At this point in time, I really just want to hop in my car, drive back home to South Carolina, curl up in my huge bed and sleep for a week.
Although if I did that, I'd be even more behind and fucked over than I am now.
As for now, stop asking me how I am. Life isn't treating me well at all, and I'm sick of answering that question. I'll probably just start ignoring you if you start asking into my life problems. If I want you to know, I'll let you know.
I want to know what higher power I pissed off and what I can do to fix things. Honestly, I think that I've suffered enough in just the past two weeks to make up for whatever the hell I did. But apparently whoever is in charge of my fate thinks otherwise.
As for now, I've wasted too much of what little bit of time I have to write out this. There's much work to be done and I don't have the strength to do any of it. But I will prevail and I'll make it through this. I just want to know when things are going to start going my way again.
.i can't wait for thanksgiving.
|
|
| Rhythm of the Night |
[07 Oct 2005|06:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mr. Mister - Broken Wings |
] |
I'm really not even quite sure where to begin this. Actually, I'm really not even sure as to how I've managed to acquire enough time to sit down and write in here. Life has kept me quite busy lately. Crazy is more like it actually. Things are still great though but boy have I really been thrown off of my self-discipline route that I had working for a month. At least I can say that I tried.
Needless to say, the past week has been filled with lots of friends, alcohol, and sleepless nights. Oh, and lots of slacking on the homework part added in for good measure. After my awesome weekend of last weekend, Monday started off just as well. The day was beautiful, classes went well, practice was fun, and my night was good. I had planned on heading over to the intermural fields, watching Justin (who I met at Haley's last weekend) play some flag football then heading to the library to work on my speech outline. Wrong. I ended up staying out at the fields until like 12, then it was back to the Woods and over to Alan's. Left there around 2am and preceeded to head straight to bed.
So I decided that Tuesday night would be my night of getting work done. I was going to get my first draft of my Jazz and Blues in Literature essay written (since it was due Wednesday) and I was going to get at least half of my speech outline rewritten (due Thursday). Wrong again. Haley ended up guilt-tripping me into coming over and having a glass of the wine that I bought her for her birthday (which was good) and then we headed over to Bluesboro to see some friends play. I told them though that I was back at my apartment at 10:45pm so that I could at least get some semblance of an essay written. And I'm wrong again. I ended up staying through the whole show and Haley and I ended up at Steve's apartment, where we proceeded to stay up and talk until 6:30am. What the fuck we were thinking, we'll never know.
So now I'm running off of no sleep, no essay written, and no speech outline done. I go to Survey of RI (because I wanted my grade back, which was a 95! woo!) and US History and then come home at 12:30 because there was no point in me going to Jazz and Blues. I figured that I could sleep for 3 and half hours before soccer practice, but no. I was basically wide awake within 2 hours. Practice was awful, and I left an hour early too. I then proceeded to go lock myself in the library and get my speech outline written. At 12:30am, I was out like a light.
Thursday wasn't a bad day overall, minus the fact that I completely fucked up my speech. I don't even want to talk about it, it was that bad. But then I realized that I was going to be screwed again. Ryan was coming into town, I had practice and I needed to study for my US History test for today. Luckily though, soccer practice ended up being cancelled so I came home from class and studied until Ryan got here. Dinner and an alcohol run followed and we headed over to Haley's for a little gathering of friends. Good times had over there as always, and we didn't leave there until like 2am, when Steve finally sang for us. Haha, I do feel bad about making him sing so much, but damn that boy's voice...*drools*
So up at 10:30 today, ran off to take my History test (which I think I did kick ass on), back to the apartment and off to grab some lunch with Ryan before he headed on up to Clarksville for the weekend. Sushi was had and then I was back here to crash, which I did until about 5:45pm. As for the evening, I'm getting ready to head over to Haley's; we were supposed to be grilling out but due to the rain and cold weather (it's like 50 out today!) but instead we're just going to hang out and such. No doubt good times will be had.
Tomorrow though, the day is all mine. I'm relaxing. Don't even try to get me to go out, cause it's not going to happen. At least not until tomorrow night. I need the rest. And I need to catch up on work.
Oh, and we're no longer playing UT-Chattanooga on Sunday. Apparently they have backed out and I'm pretty pissed about that. So for those of you that I told to come out, I'm sorry!
Ok kids, time's up. That's the basic overview of life as I know it right now. Now, I need to go find some warm clothes (that aren't the sweatshirt and pants I'm in right now) and head on over to Haley's. Hope all of you are doing well!!
.this is the rhythm of my life.
|
|
| The Four Seasons: Autumn |
[02 Oct 2005|02:29am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Antonio Vivaldi - Oboe Concerto in G Minor |
] |
I've really been struggling to sit down and write anything as of late. Not just in here, but in general, and quite frankly, it's sad. I've been spending some of my afternoon hours in the quad again, and slowly I've been finding some inspiration to write, but nothing like I use to. So for now, I'll just waste some time by giving the lovely and ever-so-boring life overview.
As for news from the past 24 hours:
+ MTSU Women's Club Soccer is now 3-1, with a win today over LSU. Next game is next Sunday (the 9th) vs. UT-Chattanooga here at MTSU.
+ MTSU Football, who were 0-3 going into tonight's game, finally scored a win against the #1 SEC team, Vanderbilt. Those pretentious assholes can now kiss that undefeated record good-bye!!! (My Tigers can't beat Wake Forest, but my shitty ass Sun-Belt conference team can sure pull out a huge win!! Go Blue Raiders!!)
+ Haley's birthday party on Friday night was absolutely amazing. It's nights like last night that make me realize everything and everyone that I was missing out on by leaving every weekend last year.
+ Lots of hot guys at Haley's...enough said. =]
As for everything else...life is good. Life is great actually. Yea, it's still a little crazy and hectic most of the time, but when it comes down to it, I wouldn't change it. I like the way things are going right now, although I do wish that I had a little more time to spend with my friends during the week. They are my family now, and I really need to make more time to spend with them. As for my parents...well, we're talking but we're not talking about "it".
And now my vision is going blurry due to lack of sleep. I think it's time that I stopped attempting to write and just go to bed. I'm sure I'll come up with something else to ramble about tomorrow.
.sun-burnt faces hurt.
|
|
| Where the Streets Have No Name |
[23 Sep 2005|10:30am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
UB40 - C'est La Vie |
] |
1. What is your middle name? Tompkins
2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Red and pink
3. What are you listening to right now? UB40 - Promises and Lies
4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 03
5. What was the last thing you ate? A bowl of Frosted Flakes and some Powerade.
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Grass green - in honor of my eyes.
7. How is the weather right now? Looking partly cloudy from my window, and it's probably hot as hell out. When's it going to get COLD?!?!!?
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? (goes to check phone) Tim!
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and smile.
10. Favorite type of Food? Italian or Japanese.
11. Do you drink? Yea.
12. Do you smoke? No way.
13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Only once, Halloween last year. I was still piecing together parts of the evening back in April. I think I can account for the whole night now though...
14. Hair color? Brown with highlights
15. Eye color? Green!
16. Do you wear contacts? Nope.
17.???
18. Favorite Month? October or November. I love when the seasons are changing over.
19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Hm...not that I can remember of the top of my head.
20. Last Movie you Watched? Remember the Titans on the way to ATL last weekend.
21. Favorite Day of the Year? President's Day.... o_0
22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Nope, I've done it.
23.?????
24. Hugs or Kisses? Why not a little of both?? =]
25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla.
26. Do you want your friends to respond? Don't care.
27. Who is most likely to respond? If anyone does, I'll be surprised.
28. Who is least likely to respond? Who cares?!
29.?????
30. Piercings? My ears and lip.
31. Favorite Movie(s)? The Usual Suspects, American Beauty, Moulin Rouge, all of Wes Anderson's films, as well as David Lynch.
32. Favorite baseball team(s)? New York Yankees!
33.?????
34. Any pets? Nope, but I want another kitty at some point in time.
35. AIM? Yes, I have it...well, Trillian.
36. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? I honestly can't remember the last time that I even ate popcorn...
37. Dogs or cats? Cats or small dogs.
38. Favorite Flower? Daisy -They're so friendly. Don't you think daisies are the friendliest flower? (name the movie that quotes is from and you win a prize. IMDB is cheating)
39-43. Not exactly sure what happen to these questions, lol
44. Have you ever fired a gun? Yep, several.
45. Do you like to travel by plane? Doesn't bother me.
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? I write right-handed, eat left-handed. Go figure.
47.?????
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Only 2 right now, but I wish I had my 3 pillows from home...I'm big on pillows.
49. Are you missing someone? Missing seeing someone, yes.
50. Who do you think is good looking? They know because I've told them instead of this survey.
**Ok, so here's the deal - if you've noticed there were missing questions. So this is where you come into play - you can ask me 5 questions of your own, doesn't matter what they are - I will respond.
__________________________________________________
For those of you in the Murfreesboro/Nashville area, it would be awesome if you could come out to any one of our three soccer games this weekend!!! Give me a call if you plan on making it out to one and I'll give you directions!!!
MTSU vs. Vandy @ MTSU - 2pm, Saturday.
MTSU vs. Western Kentucky @ Vandy - 9pm, Sunday.
MTSU vs. UT @ Vandy - 3pm, Sunday.
Anywho, its time for me to get dressed to head over to campus. One class to go before my weekend starts and it's going to be a busy one!! Hope everyone has a great day and a fantabulous weekend!! =]
.believe in me, because i believe in you.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
musical_chaos's journal